So I got to thinking.....

I should be embarrassed at how much time has passed since I last had anything to say.  I am instead going to pretend it hasn't been a ridiculous amount and ask you all kindly not to comment upon or look back and make note of the dates.  See that wasn't so hard!  Lately my good friend Kendra has been blogging (here) about all of these beautiful insightful feelings she has so I guess she is inspiring me to jump back in, I would suggest you not get excited about what I say being beautiful.

Yesterday, I took the boys rollerskating with some of the local homeschool organizations.  It was great fun for them, I think.  They love going and always get very excited, but I believe what they truly love is that the Boverie's are there.  They usually waste about 20 mins. of skating time trying to talk Jenny and I into agreeing to some sort of post skating time together.  It is very sweet and warms my heart that they all love each other so much.  I like the skating day because I get to sit and talk to Jenny.  I never tire of this, even if we aren't talking I find comfort in just hanging together.  Everyone should have a friend where just being together is comfortable.

While watching to kiddos circle the rink, we talked.  We talk about everything and nothing.  Yesterday we started talking about a parenting class that is now going on at church.  Neither of us are able to attend the class and we were wondering how it was going, if people liked it and what sort of content it has.  This somehow led to a discussion of things we do or have done as parents and of course some of the antics our children have done and surprisingly still do.  Jenny was telling about and occasion where she was out with her gang alone and they were at a somewhat somber event and she felt like she was host of a circus act.  Jenny is a GREAT mom but I said to her "Doesn't it seem like we should be good at this by now?"  Sometimes, I feel like after 15 years I should be a Rock Star of a parent.  We laughed at ourselves, because you can do that with your BFF's, and then we pondered the parenting dilemma....

Jenny recounted a bit of a conversation she had had with a young mom about spanking.  Jenny mentioned she told her"...that when I have done it right, I have done it like this... XYZ..." .  I challenged this, I said Jenny you have used spanking to discipline your children because you felt it was a technique to guide them to godly obedience, that is why you "did it right".  Not because you followed a formula.  You did it right when you used it every time there was defiant behavior and you did it right when your children knew they could count on a spanking if you told them one would be forth coming.  Spanking, of course, is not the only successful parenting technique; however, being consistent is an outstanding technique.

I think that Satan's plan for derailing our aim of raising godly children begins with our expectations.  When we become parents we have the expectation of feeling wonderful, A LOT.  We feel wonderful about the life growing inside of us, we feel wonderful about sharing the exciting news, we feel wonderful about decorating the nursery, we simply cannot wait for the arrival of our precious one.  It's true too, our expectations of joy and love are exceeded beyond measure.   When they smile that first smile, awesome!  When they babble that first sound, fantastic!  When the first belly laugh pours from their mouths, incredible!  When we teach them to roll over, crawl, say "da-da", drink from a straw, or identify the letter "A", outstanding!  We are there to soak up the praise when they sit up, or cut their first tooth.  It is all fabulous.  So what are we to think then when the time comes to address bad behavior? The first time they tell us "no"?  The first time they throw food on the floor?  The first time they kick you when getting a diaper change?  Obviously we are dismayed by such behavior but surely since we have been making all of these marvelous developmental strides with the center of our universe we can handle discipline.

This is where I see satan at his cleverest. I knew discipline would be tough, it would be hard to be firm with the sweet child of my womb, but I was willing, I was up for the task.  You see I knew I could do this because even though my baby would be sad, I would know, I would just know that what I did was right.  I would feel the goodness of my actions in every fiber of my being, I would practically radiate the vibe of super motherhood, I would essentially glow with the victory over bad behavior!  I could do this!  What I actually felt was mean.  I felt like she would never love me again, I felt like I had damaged the only person whom I had ever been given responsibility.  It was awful.  Clearly my technique was off.  I must try something else.  I read articles telling me to count, talked to peers who said ignore it, books suggesting I keep a chart and some who even just said "Kids will be kids, they'll out grow it!"  Nothing made me feel good, nothing came close to that WONDERFUL feeling I was supposed to have.

I wanted to find that perfect parenting technique that would end with my child sitting docilely at my feet, smiling up at me while a heavenly light shone upon me in affirmation of my great skill.  It took me some time to figure out the problem, and before you wonder to much I never found a discipline technique that made me feel WONDERFUL. It did not feel good the make them cry (well sometimes that does), it did not feel good to stop talking to my friends to address a behavior, it did not feel good to address bad behavior in front of an audience..... I figured out that in my quest to feel great at the moment of discipline I would abandon anything that did not work, and by work I mean succeed immediately thereby making me feel great.  I managed to avoid being consistent if I did not receive a "sign from God" in the way of feelings.  I expected to enjoy a sensation of rightness to counter my insecurities, after all if God wanted me to deal with this child He would surely give me a sign, right?

What God did do for me and my children was to help me to realize that the scripture says "..one who LOVES their children is careful to discipline them...".  It does NOT say if you want to feel really awesome..., or if you need a boost to your ego....  I realized that the feelings I was after were for myself, I was looking to glorify myself.  I was not raising my children to please God, I was raising them to be a good reflection of me.  God graciously showed me that if I turned my motives over to Him and trusted Him to stay with me, I would see fruit.  It probably wouldn't manifest itself in the form of an epiphanous moment with angels singing and my skin glowing but there would be fruit.  It might look like an easy bedtime routine, a clean dinner plate, no one being ejected from the dinner table.  It could even grow in the form of seeing your sons finally remember to help you get the groceries out of the car without asking.  Sometimes the fruit isn't as ripe as we are hoping but the potential is there and with consistent care and tending it will grow.

Satan has confused many things and I believe a tool that he is especially crafty with is human emotion.  I believe this is one reason we are admonished to "...take captive every thought..."  I know he has wielded mine against me much to my shame and sorrow, but I will not allow him to prevent me from loving my children in the way God designed.